Episode 17 – Is my husband a JERK? Or am I just oversensitive?

Does this sound familiar?

Your husband says something that makes you angry or hurts your feelings and you react in a way that escalates the situation. Then he gets mad because you got mad and end up in a huge fight.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat. You wish the two of you could break the cycle but you don’t know how!

Is it because he is being a jerk, or you are just being oversensitive? 

Yes.

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Episode Scripture

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love, he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Ephesians 3:3-6 English Standard Version

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

Ephesians 3:7-10 English Standard Version

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Ephesians 3:11-14 English Standard Version

Big Picture Take Away

Friend, it doesn’t matter if your husband never says a single encouraging thing to you – ever. He could never pay you another compliment. He may ignore every single achievement you earn. But you don’t need to earn his love or approval and your worth isn’t based on his opinion. It isn’t even based on YOUR opinion. God chose you to be His and that is what matters most. 

The question you need to ask yourself NOW is this – Is being a child of God and an heir with His son Jesus enough for me? Do I love Jesus enough to stay married to a man that continually says things that push my buttons or tap on my insecurities? Can He give me the strength to forgive my husband over and over and OVER again?

If you said “yes,” I now challenge you to think about where there is evidence for that answer in your marriage. Do you forgive quickly? Do you show forgiveness and grace regularly? Or do you react negatively? If so, then you need to rethink your answer and humble yourself before God, asking Him to forgive you for elevating a person above Him.

Practical Application

if you are angry or sad because of what your husband said, that’s okay. Go off by yourself and freak out! I’m serious! Your emotions are not inherently sinful, it is what you do with them that can be. So go sit in your car or lock yourself in the bathroom with the fan on to drown out your tears and let it all out. 

Ask God to comfort you in your sadness. Ask Him to remind you that you are loved by Him and that matters more than anything else. Ask Him to give you the strength to endure and the ability to forgive no many how many times you have already forgiven. Ask God for the wisdom and courage to talk to your husband about what happened and accept the fact that you probably need to WAIT to do this. Regardless if you are being oversensitive or if he is being a jerk, a cooling-off period gives the Holy Spirit time to work on you both.

Speaking of which, remember that you cannot control your husband’s actions, only your own. When you do talk to him, he might apologize or he might not. He might get defensive and angry or be humble and repentant. But ultimately, a change in his attitude and behavior must come from within and that is the job of the Holy Spirit.

If you need help, speak to an older woman at your church who has been married much longer than yourself or directly to your pastor or a biblical counselor. These conversations should never be started with the intention of bashing your husband for his past failures to gain sympathy, but to seek help in determining how to handle situations moving forward.

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