In America, a divorce occurs every 13 seconds. That means that in the 2 mins that it takes for an engaged couple the recite their vows, 9 other married couples are breaking them.
That equates to 277 divorces per hour. 6,646 divorces per day. 46,523 divorces per week. And over 2.4 million a year. Just in the US.
It is hard to imagine that there is anyone in our country that has not had their life touched by divorce in some way. Either personally, as a child, through family or friends. And if you haven’t, you are very blessed. But if you have, then there are likely a few things you will hear in the episode that will ring true.
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For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.Romans 8:15-18, 28 English Standard Version
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Big Picture Take Away
Marriage isn’t easy and there are several episodes where I express that sentiment, but today I want to share with you the reality of what divorce looks like over a decade after you file those papers because it isn’t easy either. In fact, after nearly 14 years of being separated from my ex, I can tell you that divorce doesn’t solve your problems. You are just trading them in for a different kind.
Like it or not, divorce will affect a second marriage. Baggage brought in from abuse, abandonment, adultery, or any number of other problems can cause trust issues, depression, or trigger negative reactions that leave your current spouse feeling completely blindsided. False accusations, name-calling, and threats are common weapons used by an ex-spouse in an attempt to exert control over you and will disrupt you and your husband’s relationship.
Even though my children don’t remember my ex and I ever being a united family, they are still very aware that they are from a broken family. Divorce will not only affect your kids’ lives now, but the truth is that it will also reach years into your child’s future and there is no way to predict or prevent how it will turn out.
The children from my current marriage might not be from a broken home, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the brokenness of my previous marriage. They are still sad because they are separated from their older siblings and don’t understand why. They still have questions about marriage that we haven’t yet answered, but when we do, the answers will affect their future’s just like they will their older siblings.
Those of us who are divorced can still have hope because God makes us a promise – HOPE that He is preparing something amazing. Something that is more than we could ever ask or think. And when He does that, whether it is this side of heaven or not, then the ride will end. I can’t imagine what they will feel but I know someone who does.
Be sure to listen to Episode 14 to hear my interview with Melinda Patrick, from the Even While Podcast, where she will share her bittersweet story about the miracle God has done with her ex-husband and I am honored that she is willing to share it with my listeners so stay tuned for that next week!
If you are struggling in your marriage and are considering divorce, I pray that this episode has at least caused you to pause and think about the future in a way that you hadn’t yet considered. The divorce rate for 2nd marriages is even higher than 1st marriages and I can understand why. The added stress of an ex-spouse can wreak havoc on your new marriage. Here are some resources for you to check out from Focus on the Family.
I also know the redeeming power of God in a marriage because I almost did end up divorced for a 2nd time, BUT GOD…you can listen to my story here.
Already divorced and still struggling in a big way? I went through Divorce Care after my separation and it was a huge help. Learn more about it here.
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