My husband runs his own mobile tool store, but he sells so much more than just tools. He recently became a distributor for the Black Rifle Coffee Company and received a large shipment. As he was setting aside bags of the roasts he wanted to try, he opened one and brought it over to me to take a whiff. OH.MY.WORD. As any coffee addict knows, the smell of amazing, fresh coffee is INTOXICATING!! I had a “moment” and my husband’s reaction was funny, yet really sad at the same time…
“Wow! You haven’t looked at ME like that in a long time.”
We both burst out laughing, but let’s face it, he was letting me know that he wasn’t exactly feeling the love lately. As women, we often think of intimacy as something we are naturally good at, but our husbands need to work on it. We may confuse “intimacy” with “romance” and expect him to take the lead on providing what we feel we need to be loved.
Intimacy is a 2 WAY STREET!
So let’s just address the elephant in the room…yes, sex is a BIG part of intimacy. BUT, you may be surprised to find that it is not the ONLY way you can be intimate with your husband. Helping him “feel the love” comes in many forms:
- cook his favorite dinner, make is favorite dessert, or stack the pantry/fridge with his favorite snacks
- ask how HIS day was, compliment HIS outfit, offer to watch HIS show, give HIM a backrub…without expecting him to return the favor
- send a text out of the blue – thank him for something small that he did (even if you asked him to do it), encourage him with a boost to his ego, tell him something random that you love about him, pray for him openly
- and, the most obvious, intiate sex and actually be excited about it!
If this is all new to you, you may find your husband doesn’t seem to react much at first. It may seem like he doesn’t even notice your efforts at all. If you have a habit of manipulating him, he may even react negatively! BUT keep at it, little by little, day by day, and he will feel a the love.
If your marriage is struggling (by the way, mine was REALLY STRUGGLING, like “I was daydreaming about him moving into the detatched garage so he could still be here for the kids but we could stop living together” kind of struggling) then this may be REALLY HARD to do. So I suggest a baby step, one that I took myself that helped me start seeing my husband as a man that deserved my love (even if he wasn’t acting like it!).
Print or write this verse down in an index card and put it up somewhere you will see it EVERY day (bathroom mirror, fridge, car dashboard, use it as a bookmark in your Bible, etc) and read it, say it…out loud. Pray that God give you ONE THING about your husband that is “worthy of praise” and write it down on the backside (or another sheet of paper).
You don’t have to share it with him or anyone else, but do this daily for a month. God’s Word does not return void. If you commit to it, God will use it to soften your heart and turn it back towards your husband. You will find that showing your husband some love in the ways I suggested above will come easier, perhaps still awkward at first, but easier all the same.
Are you up for this? Need some accountablity?
Comment below and let me know!