My husband recently became a distributor for the Black Rifle Coffee Company and received a large shipment. As he was setting aside bags of the roasts he wanted to try, he opened one and brought it over to me to take a whiff. OH.MY.WORD. As any coffee addict knows, the smell of amazing, fresh coffee is INTOXICATING!! I had a “moment” and my husband’s reaction was funny, yet really sad at the same time…
“Wow! You haven’t looked at ME like that in a long time.”
We both burst out laughing, but let’s face it, he was letting me know that he wasn’t exactly feeling the love lately. As women, we often think of intimacy as something we are naturally good at, but our husbands need to work on it. We may confuse “intimacy” with “romance” and expect him to take the lead on providing what we feel we need to be loved.
So how do you go about creating intimacy with your husband?
Let’s just address the elephant in the room…yes, sex is a BIG part of intimacy. BUT, you may be surprised to find that it is not the ONLY way you can be intimate with your husband. Helping him “feel the love” comes in many forms.
Here are 4 Little Ways Every Wife Can Be INTIMATE with Her Husband
- Cook his favorite dinner, make his favorite dessert or stack the pantry/fridge with his favorite snacks
- Ask how HIS day was, compliment HIS outfit, offer to watch HIS show, give HIM a backrub…without expecting him to return the favor
- Send a text out of the blue – thank him for something small that he did (even if you asked him to do it), encourage him with a boost to his ego, tell him something random that you love about him, pray for him openly
- FLIRT with him! Remember when you were first crushing on your man and he said something that gave you butterflies in your stomach? Whether he admits it or not, you did the same for him back then so do it again now! Feel super cheesy? That’s okay! Even if you flirt badly, the idea is to reconnect so be silly if you are not good at being sexy. 😉
Is your relationship at a point where you don’t WANT to do any of these things for your husband?
There was a point when I was daydreaming about my husband moving into the detached garage so he could still be “home” but we didn’t have to live together. If this is where you are, this list may seem really hard, even ridiculous! It’s okay, I felt that way at one point too!!
Try this first…
Write this verse down on an index card and put it up somewhere you will see it EVERY day (bathroom mirror, in your day planner or use it as a bookmark in your Bible, etc) and read it, say it…aloud. Pray that God gives you ONE THING about your husband that is “worthy of praise” and write it down on the backside (or another sheet of paper).
You don’t have to share it with him or anyone else, but do this daily for a month. God’s Word does not return void. If you commit to it, God will use it to soften your heart and turn it back towards your husband. You will find that showing your husband some love in the ways I suggested above will come easier, perhaps still awkward at first, but easier all the same.
If this is all new, you may find your husband doesn’t react much at first. It may seem like he doesn’t even notice your efforts at all. If you have a habit of manipulating him, he may even react negatively! BUT KEEP AT IT! Little by little, day by day and he will “feel the love.” For more on SPECIFIC ways to encourage your husband, check out Encouraging Your Husband 101
Creating intimacy with your husband is important!
Your heart CAN change.
His heart CAN change.
NOTHING is impossible with God.
Looking for more practical tips on improving your marriage? Don’t forget to check out my post How to Encourage Your Husband!
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