Losing My Mind One Child at a Time

Let me set the scene:

It was 8am, I had been up late the night before getting work done that I hadn’t had time to finish during the day. I had been woken up 3 different times during the night. The kids’ morning routine had fallen apart, breakfast had been a mess & I had to shove the older kids out the door before they missed the bus. There had been tantrums and tears all before 7am and I was already worn out. I just wanted a chance to drink my coffee and read my Bible. 10 min of alone time was ALL I wanted, but my 2 youngest kept interupting me with their endless needs…

Sound familiar or similar to something you have ever experienced?

And then it happened, the straw that broke the camels back. My potty-training son pooped in his pants…again…for the 100th time.

I.LOST.MY.MIND.

I started screaming. Not yelling. Not constuctively correcting a toddler learning a new skill. Nope – screaming like a banshee, no doubt scaring the life out of my children while cleaning up the mess and sending both to their rooms.

That was a low point…my lowest point, in fact. That was the point at which I decided I was going to have it out with God. I knew I was out of control but I had no ablity to gain control. So I sent myself to my room and continued to scream, but this time it was at God. I screamed about how tired I was, how unhappy I was, how I hated that I was so angry. I screamed asking Him to tell me WHY I was so angry. I was so blessed! I had healthy kids, a husband who provided, good friends, supportive parents, a beautiful home, food on the table, gas in my car, clothes on my back…and the list went on. I screamed blessing after blessing after blessing. Some were big and some were small, but they were all blessings! 30 min later I was nothing up an exhuasted heap of tears on my bedroom floor and God took it…

God took my anger away.

He reminded me that He loved me and that I wasn’t going to be that way anymore. He had been waiting for me this whole time, waiting for me to run back towards Him. He was waiting with open arms.

I have this great t-shirt that always gets laughs whenever I wear it. When people find out I have 5 kids, their eyes get real big and they start nodding like they completely understand why I have lost my mind. Like I have a “good excuse” to be a basketcase of a mother.

Here’s the thing, they had no idea what I was really dealing with. My anger was not funny.

If you are thinking that I completely stopped yelling at my kids or getting worked up over the small stuff, you would very mistaken. But I am getting better every day with every circumstance. But now,

Angry is how I GET, it is NOT who I AM!

If you are dealing with anger that you canNOT control on your own, take it to God. Scream, beg, wail at Him because He can take. Nothing you can say will hurt His feelings or make Him feel inferior. And He is also the only one who can help you let it go.

3 thoughts on “Losing My Mind One Child at a Time”

  1. This is a comment from a retired friend. I shared your blog with her.See? you don’t have to a mom with lots of kids to feel anger. We all need to hear this message. “Such a great blog! … I often feel the same about various things … but, with David now retired, I can only scream on Mondays when he is working at the liquor store!!!”

    Like

    1. Haha, yes, husbands and kids alike can make us ladies lose our minds! Thanks for sharing, I am so glad it resonated with her!!

      Like

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